Hey, I never pretended to be a saint. Maybe once, but it was a role-playing thing and she had a fetish for Catholics. Maybe she never was allowed to be an alter-boy. I'll never know. All I know is 99% of the time fetishes come from somewhere. I just don't think every issue needs to be solved and eradicated. Like my desperate need for attention, my ability to do nothing but read as a fat kid and my inability to 'work up to potential' has created someone who writes and performs incessantly. See how that's benefiting you now? Sometimes our pasts come back to help us.
Mostly I realize this is benefiting me since this blog is somewhat anonymous.* I mean, it wouldn't take Sherlock Holmes or the hot chick from SVU to figure out who I am. Anyone who has spent more than 3 hours with me at a bar knows that my tolerance for alcohol is unusual. It's not even legendary, just high. Because, apparently even in drinking, I fall short of expectations.
So that brings me to why I want to quit drinking. I see all of these comics working to make being a alcoholic asshole work for them, but I can't seem to do it. I just am a big messy drunk. The only thing that drinking seems to do is drain my wallet and make me act like Wimpy. 'I'd gladly give you a dollar on Tuesday for a vodka today.' I'm tired of feeling like a pathetic loser.
However, there is a part of me who is afraid that getting sober means becoming 'boring', and that sounds like 'dead'. But I would like to have a good solid relationship and career and that ain't happening if I'm having to shield my date from knowing how many drinks I have had and trying to find a place to go dancing that has at least 2 bars so she doesn't catch on. Because that just sounds like a healthy relationship waiting to happen.
I get addicted easily to things. I studied comedy, singing, and writing... obsessively. Basically anything I am interested in, I obsessively pursue. But drinking is one thing I cannot get behind enough to give up. But I did it today, and I did it yesterday. God, am I going to have to be a One Day At A Time-er? Alright, but I'm claiming Bill Hicks as my Higher Power.
Thank God I never tried Crack.
*This blog may be funny, sad, upset, raving or plain denialville. Fair Warning.
