Day 4

You'll notice-my imaginary readers- that I have a large gap between when day 2 and day 4 is being published. For those of you that are playing at home, I think you'll be able to ferret out the reason.

I am actually on Day 4. After many relapses while trying to stay sober at home. I took my drunken ass over to AA Sunday, got a interim sponsor and I also went to a SMART recovery online meeting in addition to AA yesterday. I need social support through this, as we are social animals. I don't want to hear any AA is a cult bullshit, either. Because you know what, if it's a cult and it helps me not to die from drinking, then so be it. Give me that glass of kool-aid. YUM!

So far, I feel pretty great. I'm sleeping well and having crazy ass dreams. (for those that don't know, you sleep is very shitty when you 'pass out' vs. going to sleep). My dreams include; getting busted by the cops with a massive amount of pot in my bag. I'm freaking out and imagining jail time, but it turns out it's clover. And my mind reminding me that I left my last lover so I could drink, by way of making a bottle my bed companion. I wake up cuddling this massive bottle of vodka. (Not so far from the truth) I'm a bit surly, but I don't really care. I'd rather be surly than the depressed piece of shit I've been hungover.

I'm not doing many shows, because I'm trying to stay out of bars. I'm just going to have to take the time off, with the thought that I will be better later. I've got a series of shows next week however, in podunk casinos, where I will be on the road for 5 days. I hope to hell I can keep it together. I would cancel but the shows are a) my rent money and b) done through a booker that I would like to keep doing shows for and cancelling means I may not get booked again. I'll call my sponsor from the road, keep blogging, and use online support.

I have a panel tonight on comedy, but it's at a community center and I doubt there will be liquor, and I have a BBQ and show on Saturday but I'm hosting a AA friend from out of town who will be with me. Luckily, I'm way to concerned with people's opinions to fall off in front of someone.